jesus christ mother fucker fuckfuckfuckfuck goddamn it.
I’m shaking and my heart feels like it’s breaking all over again and my stomach hurts and I’m just… bad. it’s just a bad night. that’s all it is. tomorrow, I will wake up, and things will be better, but right now it really, really isn’t.
Hannah & I were talking about exes this evening.
Teddy, Teddy, Teddy, Teddy. my heart just repeats it over and over and over again.
I don’t believe in soul mates, but if I did, I’d know that I fucked things up royally with mine.
(I can’t call him anymore. I can’t text. He will not respond to messages.)
Even when Martha, the other summer, told me she loved me. I couldn’t say it back, because his name filled my mouth, his face in my mind, our love in my heart. still. still. still.
when will I be free of this? when can I let this go? goddamn it, Bethany, do you even realize how long ago it was? six years. six. years.
just let it go, girl. just please, for the love of god, let it go. let him go. he let go of you long ago.
